Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're too hungover to prance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
