My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
