her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
