she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
