I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
