My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
