that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
