You're my little dorito
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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