yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
