Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize