ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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