just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize