I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
