I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
