You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
did i just pee glitter
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
