There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
