As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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