I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize