That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
