When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
