You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
