so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
