As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
