Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
