I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
