yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
