It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
