i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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