I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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