The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
