I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
