I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
