Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
