He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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