those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
