I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Drunk is a universal language darling
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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