My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
