i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize