My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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