Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
