covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize