Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
