Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
