Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
