Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
