Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I am puke
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
