Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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