Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
