Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
