i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
