Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
