Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
