Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
