Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
