I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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