I hope mine doesn't look like that
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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