i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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