In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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