She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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