So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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