Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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