she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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