Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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