My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
