sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
