What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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