she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
