My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
