Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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