I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize