sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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