When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
