You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
