I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
