It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
