What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
