I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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