i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize