i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Randomize
